Grief and Loss

So... It's been a rough few weeks.

I'd been waiting for the money to come that I thought would be here by early October in order to purchase Annie, but it didn't come. Turns out there's a lot more involved than I realized. In reality, it could be months and months before the estate is settled. I had no idea.

In the mean time, Annie's current owners let me know they were running low on hay and would I be able to buy some until I could move her? Sure, no problem. But then they decided they really wanted her off their property before winter hits [which, in Montana, could be right around the corner]. They really have been super cooperative and accommodating while I keep promising week after week that I intend to buy their horse, and their request is not unreasonable. Still I waited for that check. No dice. So, with the thoughts of horse or no horse, money and no money weighing on my mind after taking a full 36 hours to consider the possibilities of what could be done, I decided I had to let her go. I can't afford her or any horse right now, and I'm not willing to go into debt to take on a project of this magnitude with no guarantee of when my horse bankroll might show up. So I'm shelving the dream until the time is right. In the mean time, Grace will be taken to a horse auction and someone else will claim her.

One of the things that I considered heavily was that God's gifts are never burdensome. Neither is He ever in a hurry. The speed with which this available horse was thrust upon me, as well as the financial burden she was going to be indicate to me that this isn't the horse God has for me. Yes, her name is Grace, a wonderful compact little chestnut quarter horse who would fit the profile of "Cedar Annie" quite nicely, but I just couldn't do it. Besides, I also know that when you let go of something that isn't God's best for you, in time He will bring about what IS His best for your life if you keep seeking Him. If you are willing to settle for less than His best, you may never know what he had in store or how far you could have gone. I feel similarly about men.

So, I lay aside the dream for a season, to pick up a few books on horsemanship, horse care and ownership, to work on personal development and prayer. The dream is not over, only delayed for a little while, until I'm ready.

Here's to you, "Annie", wherever and whenever you may be.

Saddle Up!

Wow! While at the post office last week, one of the clerks I am friendly with asked what was new in my life. I thought for a moment before answering, "I'm buying a horse!" So we got into a conversation about where was I going to keep her, what was she like, and I also mentioned just having bought a bunch of horse gear from the guy on Craigslist, and the only thing I was lacking was a saddle. She piped up, "We have a saddle you can use!" Turns out she and her husband have a little farm plot south of town with a couple horses, and their grown sons no longer use their riding gear. So today, I went out there and picked up a nice western saddle on long-term loan from them :-) It's not the style I would like to own, but who am I to turn down a free saddle?? If they need it back, I'll be happy to return it at their request.

Aside from the saddle, she gave me a sturdy pair of leather lace-up boots, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, squash, and a pumpkin to decorate with :-) On top of all that, I sat and visited with she and her husband over bottles of Henry Weinhardt's root beer while watching Sunday afternoon football. Mmm-mmm!!

Folks around here sure are generous! I appreciate them so much. This couple in particular, along with anyone else who helps a neighbor in need. Slowly, I am learning to be that type of neighbor. Small town America is a pretty neat place to be. Thanks, K and G!

Aligning with Christ

Bob's word here absolutely reflects what I've seen God beginning to do in my life since September:

http://www.bobjones.org/Docs/Words%20of%202013/2013-10_BaptismOfFire.htm

First Things First

As I lay down Monday night, it occurred to me that I should start my time with Annie in the round pen doing natural horsemanship to build respect and trust even before I just start grooming her. I didn't want to start trying to ride her regularly when I know we are still essentially strangers, especially since her first two encounters with me weren't really all that pleasant for her, I'm sure, as rusty as I am and as insecure as I'd been. To her I'm probably just some mug who doesn't know squat and she's not about to respect anyone who doesn't take the time to get to know her and introduce themselves to her, to respect her and speak her language. The only way I think I could know this is either directly from God or it's that gifting in me that just KNOWS it's the right thing to do.

On Tuesday I went to the local library looking for books on natural horsemanship, but, alas, if you can believe it, there were none. There might be some in the inter-library loan system, though the only one I saw was an hour away. (They'd bring it in for me at no charge if I wanted.) Not real encouraging. Perhaps I could scout the library in Bozeman. They are bound to have more of a selection given the progressive nature of the populus and the large equestrian population there as well; not to mention the university that began life as an agricultural college. I'll be over that direction this weekend, so I will make plans to look!