Grief and Loss

So... It's been a rough few weeks.

I'd been waiting for the money to come that I thought would be here by early October in order to purchase Annie, but it didn't come. Turns out there's a lot more involved than I realized. In reality, it could be months and months before the estate is settled. I had no idea.

In the mean time, Annie's current owners let me know they were running low on hay and would I be able to buy some until I could move her? Sure, no problem. But then they decided they really wanted her off their property before winter hits [which, in Montana, could be right around the corner]. They really have been super cooperative and accommodating while I keep promising week after week that I intend to buy their horse, and their request is not unreasonable. Still I waited for that check. No dice. So, with the thoughts of horse or no horse, money and no money weighing on my mind after taking a full 36 hours to consider the possibilities of what could be done, I decided I had to let her go. I can't afford her or any horse right now, and I'm not willing to go into debt to take on a project of this magnitude with no guarantee of when my horse bankroll might show up. So I'm shelving the dream until the time is right. In the mean time, Grace will be taken to a horse auction and someone else will claim her.

One of the things that I considered heavily was that God's gifts are never burdensome. Neither is He ever in a hurry. The speed with which this available horse was thrust upon me, as well as the financial burden she was going to be indicate to me that this isn't the horse God has for me. Yes, her name is Grace, a wonderful compact little chestnut quarter horse who would fit the profile of "Cedar Annie" quite nicely, but I just couldn't do it. Besides, I also know that when you let go of something that isn't God's best for you, in time He will bring about what IS His best for your life if you keep seeking Him. If you are willing to settle for less than His best, you may never know what he had in store or how far you could have gone. I feel similarly about men.

So, I lay aside the dream for a season, to pick up a few books on horsemanship, horse care and ownership, to work on personal development and prayer. The dream is not over, only delayed for a little while, until I'm ready.

Here's to you, "Annie", wherever and whenever you may be.